For a moment, I thought I might be done with this “side story” - let’s call it this way. I was in Padua when Wesley Verhoeve interviewed me about Dear Padua. That felt like a nice ending.
I talked extensively about my past in therapy in the months that came. There was no more hunger to do it here. Plus, to think that I skipped through six years of school in six newsletters really doesn’t do me any justice. What brought me back here is photography. More specifically, this quote:
If you recall, these were almost the exact words I used to describe my first relationship with my camera. Reading this quote while browsing through Alec Soth’s TikTok validated my own experience and made me think there’s value to what I have to say. What’s more, I now talk about photography in therapy. Name something more cringe-worthy.
It’s 2013. My last year in high school and my first DSLR camera. I dreamt about one for a long time. In middle school, I used to play the piano without having a piano at home. I practised on a drawn-on piece of cardboard. Naturally, I couldn’t see why I couldn’t learn the exposure triangle before I even had a real camera.
Despite my “knowledge”, when I received a Canon 550D on Christmas, I took out-of-focus photos for a long time. Here are some of the firsts I was proud of.
in my room
These days I get caught up thinking about what I could’ve accomplished by now if I had received some support and/or if some adult showed interest in my photography earlier on. I know it’s not useful, so I only allow myself short episodes of sadness that I can channel into fuel for the present. I have a lot of compassion and appreciation for my younger self who found a passion this strong despite going through a tough time. Today, I want to honour that spark and celebrate it.
See you next time with my attempt at concert photography.
P.S I recently watched Euphoria (I know I’m late) and I just want to say that I’m Lexi. You’ll know why. I don’t want to elaborate!!!
I really connected with that last quote. There are moments we can stretch out for miles. What a wonderful journey to take.